Saturday, February 16, 2002

Something resembling justice has been done to end the figure skating controversy at the Olympics. Both the Russians AND the Canadians received gold medals. The "fragile" French judge who sold out to start the entire sordid affair was banned and everybody is happy. I find it appropriate that the French judge was named LE GOUGNE, which is pronounced "La Goon." A goon she was, and now she's gone.

Friday, February 15, 2002

I finally mustered the nerve to send an e-mail to THE MASTER BLOGGER. After all, he DID link to my humble site last weekend. Unlike the captian of the USS Clueless, THE MASTER accepts Yahoo e-mail, or at least I think he does, because mine was not rejected. I scratched on Samizdata's door a few times before they finally let me in, so I'm willing to try elsewhere. I am reminded of my youthful days as a wandering minstrel. If you pester some people long enough, they'll listen to you play just to get rid of you. And if you get the chance to play, they just MIGHT like it.
My son is with me this weekend. We watched some ridiculous movie on HBO tonight as we both sprawled on the couch. He kept his arm around me and his head on my shoulder the entire time. I felt golden.

When the movie was over, he wanted to know about the Roman Empire and why a short sword was such an effective weapon. I tried to explain that the sword was great weapon, but the well-trained Roman soldier wielding it and the tactics used by the army were what made it really effective. Somehow, that conversation led to what our military did in Afghanistan and from there he launched into a tale about Vikings sacking and looting Paris, France a long time ago. I don't recall that event. But I believe it might be a good idea now. We have Special Forces that can be Vikings if the mission calls for that talent.

He is asleep now. Visions of Roman soldiers and marauding Vikings may dance in his dreams tonight, but that's what little boys do. God, I miss what I'm missing by not being with him every day.

Kaiser Aluminium filed for Chapter Eleven bankruptcy protection, thus joining the growing ranks of once-prosperous companies driven out of business by asbestos litigation. More than 6,000 jobs are at stake in this instance. A lot of people with no health problems make a few bucks and a few lawyers with no conscience make fortunes, while Joe Sixpack loses his job because of this insane feeding frenzy. If congress can tear itself away from the television cameras long enough to stop posing and preening about Enron and Campaign Finance Reform, perhaps congress could act to stop this awful bloodletting before we break the bank and put EVERYBODY out of work.

Excuse me, but I just read something that really triggered my gag reflex. Members of the International Olympic Committee, those fat-cat, pompous, regal twits, are clicking their tongues, pursing their lips and wrinking their noses over the way America is handling the Salt Lake City Games.

"This is a show designed to send a message to Osama bin Laden," said one IOC member. "President Bush is saying: 'Look at us. You bombed us but you can't stop us going about our normal lives.' But that is not what the Olympic Games are supposed to be about."

What, pray tell, ARE the Olympic Games supposed to be about? Cheating French judges? Bloated, egotistical IOC members? Besides, what's wrong with the message to begin with?

According to IOC members, we have WAY too much security for a small western town in the middle of nowhere. With 15,000 police and military personnel ensuring public safety, we are "projecting a tense and uncomfortable atmosphere for an event that, since its first staging in 1924, has been a sedate, friendly festival."

Yeah, except for that minor irritation that occurred in Munich in 1972. And you can bet your sweet European arse that we're not going to allow anything like that to happen here.

New York is seeking to host the games in the future, but the IOC may be so put off by their experience at Salt Lake City that they refuse even to consider the possibility. Now, THAT would really break my heart. But I don't believe it's anything to worry about. If past behavior of the IOC is any indication of future predelections, they manage to suffer indignity and quell their outrage quite nicely when the price is right. We'll just buy 'em off. Again.

Of course, this piece came from The Guardian, so maybe I should write it all off as pure, twisted, anti-American propaganda, like so much of what you find there.

Thursday, February 14, 2002

PERSONAL NOTE TO THE DOUBTER on my "Comments" page. Dear Mr. Cop3. If you can tear the coke spoon from your nose for just a second and retrieve the finger from your nether orifice, just CLICK HERE then scroll down the page until you see an outraged screed about Enron. (posted by the professor at 1:16 PM, link by Samizdata) Then, click AGAIN on the link provided. (Those are the BRIGHT BLUE words in the opening sentence, you blithering idiot)

Were you able to DO IT RIGHT?

If so, I rest my case, as they say in the legal profession, about which YOU KNOW NOTHING! But you should realize that I wouldn't lie to you, unless the situation really required it. And even then I would feel guilty about it.
Uh, oh. I just read my last post and realized that I violated my promise to refrain from using profanity in my blogs anymore. I'M SORRY, MAMA!
I don't believe the federal government should pay a dime in reparations to people who lost loved ones or businesses or anything else on 9/11. The tragedy was terrible, but that fact does not justify taxpayer dollars being used as a balm to soothe every ache anybody might feel as a result. The precident is dangerous. To quote a popular bumper sticker, "Shit Happens," and the government has no business deciding when the fecal quantity is sufficiently large that fat checks should be cut for everyone affected. After this payout, people will demand compensation for every natural disaster, cruel twist of fate, incredible stroke of bad luck or bolt from the blue that befall them. What does the government do then? Develop a crap-o-meter to decide whether those people deserve money or not?

"No, I'm sorry. I realize that the earthquake caused you great suffering and the subsequent wildfire destroyed your home and caused the death of your infant daughter. But when I input the relevant data, you score only a five on the FASQ scale (that's "Fully Adjusted Shit Quotient") and we pay only those who score seven or higher on our sliding scale. You have my deepest sympathy for your unfortunate circumstances, but you receive no money. NEXT!"

And then the FASQ scale will require race-norming, gender-compensation, income-adjustments and a one-time provision for a claim even if NO SHIT happened to you. I really don't believe we want to go there.

Besides, we don't need to. Land-shark tort lawyers will do the job for the government. I ranted yesterday about WTC Syndrome and now it has a preliminary DOLLAR FIGURE posted by those who are willing to trade their legacy of heroism for a shot at big bucks. It's pathetic, but it's truly American anymore.
George Bush has managed to upset the delicate sensibilites of certain Europeans again, this time by ad-libbing when he opened the Olympic Games. International Olympic Committee officials swooned, developed the vapors, broke out in rashes and suffered incredible heart palpatations when Bush neglected to follow the proper protocol in saying LET THE GAMES BEGIN. Now the real games have begun, with the IOC and assorted minions calling him a unilateral, jingoistic, self-centered, undiplomatic blasphemy of a president.

I LIKE those qualities in my president, especially when he manages to chap the sensitive butt cheeks of a bunch of corrupt, money-hungry, prestige-intoxicated hockwads such as the IOC.
Why not run an ad in the "Lost and Found?" A SEVERED PENIS was found in a car wash and "Hastings police are requesting that anyone with possible information about this incident call them." Do you suppose they may receive a few CRANK CALLS?

Wednesday, February 13, 2002

I wouldn't have the UNMITIGATED GALL to do something like THIS. Somebody needs to drop a daisycutter on these dorkles AND their lawyers to ensure that they are removed from the gene pool immediately.
"Asking elected officials to make their own elections more competitive is like asking chickens to deliver
themselves to Colonel Sanders."

Read the rest HERE if you have a strong stomach.

If people actually believe that "campaign finance reform" is intended to do anything other than protect incumbents, grant more power to those already in power and make the remaining money trail difficult to follow, they have heads full of half-cooked grits. The only reason businesses pay what amounts to protection money to both parties and lobbiests pay what amounts to bribes to both parties is the simple fact that government has a hoary finger in every pie baked anywhere and regulates life at the molecular level in this country. Those that pay sometimes have a say when influence is needed to protect a backside from idiotic legislation or to reap a reward from other idiotic legislation. That's the way that the world goes 'round in Washington DC.

The easiest way to STOP THIS CRAP is to have government provide for the common defense, protect our borders and butt out of everything else. Then nobody would have to hand out baksheesh to the goons in charge. But that's not gonna happen.

So I humbly propose my own version of CAMPAIGN FINANCE REFORM: Let anyone with the bucks chum all the water he can and attract any shark with a hunger. Let the sharks feed. But when they emerge from the water and rush for the television cameras, make them dress like a NASCAR racer, with bright, visible patches on their overalls announcing exactly who paid them. Democrats can preen in their blue overalls with "TRIAL LAWYERS" and "AFL-CIO" and "TEACHER'S UNIONS" and "SIERRA CLUB" plastered all over the place, as long as the television cameras can see every last patch. Republicans can wear red overalls and display "BIG TOBACCO" and "OIL COMPANIES" and "NATIONAL RIFLE ASSOCIATION" and "EVIL CORPORATION" patches. Then everyone can listen to what the politicians say, examine the patches and decide whether we're listening to an honest legislator or a dishonest whore.

That's not EVER gonna happen. We don't have many honest legislators in Washington and you'll never catch a dishonest whore dressed in coveralls with patches announcing the tricks she plied. Campaign finiance reform will make sure of that fact.

Having Libertarian Samizdata mention your site definitely has its rewards. I'm available on MORE THAN ZERO now, too. Scroll down to Sunday and there I am. It's really a left-handed tribute to me, since Perry of Samizdata gets all the headlines, but my blog is linked.
Oops! Here's a TRIAL BALLOON that sunk like a rock. Tom Daschle is in full backpedal mode after being disturbed, disappointed, worried, concerned or whatever it was he professed to be after President Bush's "axis of evil" statement in the SOTU speech. Now he's fully on board, 110% behind the president and disturbed, disappointed, worried and concerned that his earlier remarks were taken out of context. Whatta gasbag.

Tuesday, February 12, 2002


After basking in the spotlight of being cited by BOTH Libertarian Samizdata AND Instapundit in ONE WEEKEND (Links to both are on my home page, so I won't bother here. Just check their archives for 2/09/02 and you'll find me. RADIANCE AND GLORY!), I have tried to be a good boy on this blog site. If you peruse my latest screeds carefully, you will find NO PROFANITY and no scatological references,.although I believe both have a proper place in creative writing. But I have upset my Mama with a few of the pieces I've written here, and no good Southern boy should EVER upset his Mama. (Especially when a great deal of the hits on this site come from MY MAMA!) So, you are witnessing Acidman Mars emerge from the cocoon in which he gestated since this blog started. I was a worm when I began, but I am a butterfly now. I intend to clean up this blog site and attempt to be a clear high tenor voice, adding exquisite harmony to the other vocals out there in blogdom.

I'll try. But I may just take a wild bellyflop off the diving board every now and then. Risky behavior appeals to me.
The terrorists may have killed 3,000 people in the World Trade Center attack, but a lot more are about to drop dead, or at least sue the crap out of somebody, because of the toxic smoking rubble left behind. We now have WTC SYNDROME. Joining Agent Orange, second-hand smoke, the Gulf War and irradiated mail as a source of terrible, multiple maladies, WTC syndrome will be a gold mine for trial lawyers, environmental activists, sue-happy wimps, professional doomsayers and all the usual suspects who have managed, after years of spewing lies disguised as science, to turn Americans into a bunch of spineless jellyfish when the word "toxic" is mentioned.

I have no doubt that firemen who worked long hours in the fumes and people who lived near ground zero suffered some respiratory discomfort if they breathed the smoke for several days. Human lungs don't really enjoy inhaling pulverized concrete, fiberglass particles, black smoke and other sundry pollutants that billowed into the air after the towers collapsed. But human lungs are remarkably resilient organs. I speak as someone who has worked 22 years in a chemical plant, where I have been exposed on numerous occasions to chlorine, sulfur dioxide, sulfur trioxide, hydrogen sulfide, carbon monoxide, titanium tetrachloride, nitrous oxide, dioxins, furans, PCBs and just about anything else you can name. Whiffing a big dose of those nasty chemicals is unpleasant, but I'm still alive, I've never missed a day of work because of an exposure and am yet to detect ANY lingering health effects from my experiences. And I've smoked cigarettes the entire time.

Of course, I was diagnosed with prostate cancer at the age of 49. I probably could make a good case in front of an ignorant jury that those toxic devils caused my cancer. Hell, with a good lawyer Rudy Gulliani could make a persuasive case that he developed prostate cancer because his prostate ANTICIPATED the toxic fumes that would arise from the collapsed towers and simply got a head start on what was bound to happen anyway after the attack. The idea probably would fly in that town full of cretins in Mississppi where all the really rich tort lawyers go to find expensive justice in class-action suits.

I don't buy the WTC Syndrome theories. But I understand perfectly why a lot of people do. The anti-smoking movement had a lot to do with it and environmentalists put the icing on the cake. My son is eight years old and he has been taught that chemicals are BAD. They will kill you and give you cancer. Chemicals are more frightening than the booger-man today. (Daddy! Check and make sure there are no CHEMICALS under my bed. I'm scared!)

With the growing paranonia about smoke and chemicals, the terrorists could have brought New York City to its knees and won a clear victory simply by leaving the towers alone and dropping a huge second-hand smoke bomb in the middle of downtown. Thousands would have died instantly from the horror of the stench, while through the streets others stumbled aimlessly, gagging, holding their noses, crying tears and tearing off their smoke-impregnated clothes to prevent nicotine-induced skin cancers from erupting all over their bodies. As they lay helpless and weeping, the terrorists could have run unmolested through the streets and finished them all off with small-arms fire from Virginia Slims and Lucky Strikes. For stubbon holdouts in subway tunnels or dark alleys, a few puffs from a King Edward cigar would have sent them to oblivion.

Oops! I never should have let that cat out of the bag. After all, we are on HIGH ALERT now, and I've given the terrorists the secret to victory.
I like a lot of what George Bush is doing as President. But he is not willing to let go of some BAD IDEAS that provide the overgrown government another convenient rat hole down which to pour money for no apparent purpose other than the fact that we've been pouring money down it for years and therefore can't stop now. The war on drugs has been an absolute failure. It has done far more harm than good. Throwing more money at the problem is not a viable solution and the atmosphere has never been better for attempting something different. But life goes on unchanging in Washington. The "new" idea is to convince people that if they do drugs, the terrorists win. To me, the commercials are pure propaganda and they stink of naked manipulation even though I don't do illegal drugs. The dope-heads I know will get stoned and laugh their butts off at those "messages." And when the commercials don't accomplish a damned thing, the government will have an excuse to throw MORE money at the problem.

The whole thing gives me a headache. I need a pill.
"Lucy! You got some 'splainin' to do!" Maybe we need a congressional investigation and a host of new regulations to control EMTs who have difficulty telling the living from the dead. Strom Thurman should chair the committee.

Monday, February 11, 2002

I will celebrate my 50th birthday this Saturday. Yeah, Mr. Potato Head and I become senior citizens at the same time. I believe there is a certain strange symmetry in that fact.
734,498 people were arrested by the government in 2000 for violations of marijuana laws. I will sleep peacefully tonight knowing that those horrible criminals are off the streets and in jails a lot worse than Camp X-Ray. I would sleep even better if I knew that somebody had the ability to halt the heavy hand of government when it reaches out to squeeze the beejesus out of ordinary citizens who lack the wherewithall to fight such awesome power. As governments of the world go, we're still the good guys, but we don't do it right all the time. And this is one arena where we're doing it WRONG!
A lot of people in blogdom are talking about the "Americans are Cowards" article I mentioned a few days ago. They argue that Americans are avoiding travel to Europe not out of fear, but because the hand-wringing, hyperventilating elites of Europe have bashed and trashed America daily since the beginning of the war on terrorism. Why should we go where our critics reside and reward their obvious scorn by injecting dollars into their economies? I like this take on the issue. In fact, I may reconsider that trip to Europe I was planning for this spring and go to Alaska instead.

But too many people ARE plagued by irrational fear today. I blame the environmental movement for a lot of the problem because environmentalists have thrown a lot of really scary stuff into the public consciousness over the years. Almost all of it is sheer humbug, but it is reported and believed by too many people who ought to know better. Thus, we have folks nodding sagely and swallowing a concept as idiotic as the Precautionary Principle, which says that ANYTHING new may be dangerous and we don't want to take a chance on doing anything dangerous; therefore never try anything new. If mankind had adhered to this idea from the beginning we would still be cowering in dark caves and dying of old age at 35, filled with dread and trepidation for all our short lifetimes.

When I lived on my mini-farm, I fought a constant battle against fire ants, corn worms, palmetto bugs (those are giant, flying roaches for those of you unfamiliar with the Deep South), sand gnats, mosquitoes, spiders, field mice, and some kind of brown, winged little aphid that could appear by the thousands in a bag of grits not tightly sealed against invasion. I knew the owner of the seed and feed store on a first-name basis and I relied heavily on his ace assistant Lamar to supply me with the most toxic, potent, powerful and merciless pesticides I could purchase for my war against the vermin. I threw everything I had at them and a delicate stalemate was the best I ever achieved.

But pesticides are BAD. Pesticides are KILLING OUR CHILDREN. Everybody understands these facts because they have been reported over and over again every time an environmentalist squeals about them in front of a microphone or a television camera. I've never seen the piles of young dead bodies, nor the host of grieving mothers weeping over them, but I know they exist because I've read A LOT about the dangers of pesticides. Some I read in the newspapers, but a lot of it I read on the side of the box, can, bottle or bag containing the stuff right before I scattered it all over my yard, where my three dogs, two cats, four goats, 28 chickens, my son, my wife and myself lived. We're all still fine, except for the goats and chickens, who were evicted and sent off to who knows where when we sold the mini-farm. If they are dead now, pesticides didn't do it.

You also have to figure that a high-ranking government official knows the truth, and Carol Browner proved it in 1993 with these immortal words issued from her high perch as head of the EPA: "The most important thing is to reduce the overall use of pesticides. By doing that, we will automatically reduce risks, and we won't have to spend all this time worrying about complicated things." Boy, the LAST thing I want the head of the EPA to do is spend time worrying about complicated things. So, she didn't. Neither did a lot of other people when they launched the war on pesticides.

Now we're having a slight problem with children becoming sick from VERMIN IN THEIR HOMES AND SCHOOLS while the war on pesticides continues. It's a simple case of propaganda overwhelming common sense. Mama, if you really love your children, you'll eliminate Dursban and let them be eaten by roaches. Or rats. Or fire ants. Pesticides are BAD!

The same sort of warped mentality is on display HERE where parents fear the junk science studies linking the MMR (measles, mumps and rubella) vaccination with autism enough that they will allow their children to contract the diseases rather than expose them to the vaccination. Forget the fact that measles, mumps or rubella can KILL YOUR CHILD and pose dangerous health effects to others they infect, and forget the fact that NO SCIENTIFIC EVIDENCE exists to prove the alleged link between MMR and autism. No, that vaccination is RISKY. It's better that they get the actual disease. No real risk there.

No real brains in any of this, either.

Hmmm... this is getting serious. Instapundit linked me this weekend. It doesn't get any better than that.

Sunday, February 10, 2002

I bought a blow-up bed when I furnished my new home. I didn't really have a reason to buy it at the time, but I did, figuring that it would come in handy some day. It did last night. I had a house full of people drinking heavily and in no condition to drive home. Both couches were staked out and claimed around midnight. My son's bed was occupied by an early casualty. I had two tall people eyeing the living room carpet and selecting a crash pad. That's when I broke out the blow-up bed.

We had a magnificent time unrolling the thing and figuring out how the pump worked, and we achieved inflation after only a few abortive efforts. Then we laid on it and rolled on it and pronounced it good. I started to sleep on it myself and give MY bed away, but I was kicked off by my friends and forced to walk to my lonely bedroom by myself while they slept on the blow-up bed. We deflated it this morning and discovered that it won't fit back in the box it came out of. Nothing ever does. I threw it and the box in the closet and we all went to the Huddle House for the kind of breakfast that drives coffee and orange juice stocks higher all over the world. Eggs may be an endangered species from the hurting we put on them this morning.

Then, everyone went home. And so did I.
A frightening thing happened to me yesterday. Libertarian Samizdata mentioned my blog and put a link to it on their prestigious page. Now I have to sober up and be good. Too many people have visited my site since then and mentioned things such as "laundry" and "profanity" for me to ignore. I must straighten up and fly right. So, goddamnit, I'm going to stop fucking around and write only clean, lucid prose from now on. I promise.