Saturday, October 12, 2002

Georgia beat Tennessee today in a damn fine football game that I believed my beloved Bulldogs were going to blow in the end. I was wrong, they won, and life is good.

Hey, RWT! Still think da Dawgs are over-rated?
Fucktoolery at large.

"Patriotism threatens free speech with death. It is infuriated by thoughtful hesitation, constructive criticism of our leaders and pleas for peace. It despises people of foreign birth. It has specifically blamed homosexuals, feminists and the American Civil Liberties Union. In other words, the American flag stands for intimidation, censorship, violence, bigotry, sexism, homophobia and shoving the Constitution through a paper shredder. Whom are we calling terrorists here?" -- Barbara Kingsolver, novelist, Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, September 27

Read more such wisdom HERE and keep your barf-bag handy.
The German philosopher Monique is back on THE GROUP CAPTAIN'S BLOG, and she's making me crazy again. Does all of Europe believe what SHE does about the United States, or is she a lot like those drum-beating, slogan-shouting, sign-wavers who show up at "anti-globalization" protests just to pretend that they're living in 1968? I really want to know.

Moni speaks English as a second language, so ignore the grammer in her screed. Just pay attention to the thought process and the misconceptions they spring from.

Today's news said that Jimmy Carter (Mr Peanut) got the Nobel-price for peace. Isn't it fun that he is so much liked in Europe? In Europe this is seen as some kind of clear sign to Mr. Bush jun. who is having really way too much fun with his role as leader of the strongest nation worldwide.

President Bush is NOT having "way too much fun" in his role. Bill Clinton did that, the slut. Most Americans recognize Jimmy Carter for the incompetent jackass he was. And is. But Europe worships Carter and Clinton. Go figure.

I had a long discussion about our social system at another place and maybe this could be interesting (even if someone else could add how it works in other places). When we here hear about the American economy and how good it worked while Clinton was on power, we also always hear about the bad social system. We hear that sure people work, but they do not have sufficient holidays, they get paid low wages and have to have several jobs to make a living (not the few highly-paid people, I mean the average employee).

Yep, as long as Clinton was on Monica power, everything was fine. Our "bad" social system still provides our "poor" with air conditioning, color TVs, VCRs, full-sized automobiles and washer-dryer combos. We have the highest standard of living IN THE WORLD in the USA. Nobody starves in the true land of plenty. And we have a LOT of highly-paid people in this country. I know because I am one of them. And I am only slightly above an "average employee."

In some things, I think, the German social system has its pros and it surely has its cons. When you work (as I do) and you get paid, you need a tax card. On this tax card is written your tax class. Classes are: 1 - for single living people; 2 - for single living with child; 3 - married and the one who earns more; 4 - married and both get equal money; 5 - married, partner has 3; 6 - second tax card for second job, about 50% taxes at this class. I have 3 with one child, my sweetie has 5 - because he works just 20 hours, he earns less than I do. This tax class sorts how much you have to pay on monthly taxes and insurances. Everyone who works to bis himself has to pay for unemployment insurance. That makes it possible that if you lose your job, you get paid for a few months time about 60something of your last income from the state - unemployment money. After that and still now having found a job (with 4.000.000 unemployed people something that could happen from time to time), you get paid lower money - Unemployment help. Both payments include health insurance (I shudder, when I read that in the US it depends on the money if you get medical help in good quality or not, to me this sounds... inhuman and cruel. Is it really that tough there?).

In America, you have a tax card on every paycheck you draw. The vorcaious government maw takes a large bite before you ever see the money (I am single, one dependent, 36% Federal tax bracket, plus 6% more to the state of Georgia. Government takes almost half of what I earn). But income doesn't come from the "state" (it is EXTRACTED BY the state) unless you're content to be a tick on the belly of a mangy dog. We have people like that, and the state pays them, but they are not paid well. They are encouraged to GET A JOB! Pay people for not working and guess what you get? PEOPLE NOT WORKING! Government needs working people to PAY TAXES instead of sucking the freebie teat. So, we don't make unemployment comfortable, because it shouldn't be. And by the way, this "inhuman and cruel" medical crap is an outright lie. It is AGAINST FEDERAL LAW to refuse treatment to anybody who needs it, whether they have insurance or can pay for it. That's one reason MY medical premiums are so expensive. I'm paying for the ticks on the dog's belly. But EVERYBODY receives quality health care, quicker and better than where yours is "free."

If you can not work (or just if you do not work...) and you don't get unemployment money, or the money you get is too less, you can get welfare money. Welfare money can get everyone who lives in Germany (also foreigners with an official resident status) and can not make a living on his own. There are some exceptions (students usually do not get it, people who do not realize rights they have against others - like children against their parents and so on - usually do not get it as long as they don't realize them), but mostly everyone living here can get money. And this money is pretty much: it includes -payment for health insurance (which is about 100,- EUR monthly), rent for a reasonable sized flat, about 280,--EUR for the first one, 220,-- for the partner and up to 200,-- EUR for each child. There are also extra-payments for clothes, furniture and special occasions like pregnancy, childbirth, circumcision, wedding and some more. But for the extra-payments you need to give some proof for the need of it.

Hey! You live in a MONEY STORE! Don't work, don't hit a lick and get paid for sitting on your ass in a home the government provides. Nirvana! No wonder you have 4,000,000 unemployed.

Most people who get welfare money do need it for a short time and then, after a crisis (divorce, child and no place in a day-care, illness, alcoholism, drugs...) they start to take place at the *real life* again. But some, from my experiences I'd say something between 10% and 20% sure do cheat the system pretty hard. There are single mothers who can't go to work, because of a child, but in reality they're living together with someone and not telling the welfare office. In the anonymity of a city, this happens really a lot. Also the people who work without paying taxes (we call it black-working), they get welfare money and also work without papers.

Amazing. The government sets up a non-worker's paradise and people scammed the system, like greedy ticks on a mangy dog's belly. Imagine that. We did a heartless thing in 1996 called "Welfare Reform" that really did a lot to get the ticks off the dog.

Sure, it has some weak points, but being the left romanticist I am, I think the cheaters are weight up by the people who really need this help and can find back to life again with this help. And those, who get really helped are worth having some cheaters.

The cheaters outnumber the ones who need help. They always do when govenment subsidizes cheating.

We do not have slums, we do not have trailer parks. Sure, we have parts of cities, where it is more dangerous to live, where more poor people live than somewhere else, but for what I see, we have a far higher standard in social care for people with less money. I think, I do not like a state which cares for unemployed and homeless just in an asylum.

We have slums in the USA. They generally are government-subsidized housing projects, where the people live rent-free, draw welfare checks and turn the place into a goddam jungle. Residents there use a lot of free health care in treatment of gunshot wounds. They have no incentive to better themselves, they raise feral children taught the arts of crime by seasoned professionals and they get paid for it. At least in an American trailer park, a lot of people OWN THEIR TRAILERS!.

Socialism will reduce Germany to a worthless sump, eventually, and True Believers don't see it coming. True Believers think that paying people for not working, providing homes for the unemployed and making health care free is a good thing. It is, if you want a lot of unemployed people contributing nothing for all the benefits they enjoy. That system can't last.

I don't know. Maybe it can, if they have a Social Security Trust Fund to raid.

The ex-Governor of my beloved state of Georgia won the Nobel Peace Prize. Yes, Jimmy Carter has been recognized for all the great things he has done in the name of peace. VODKAPUNDIT lists them, in case you have fogotten this altogether forgettable ex-Governor, ex-President and extraterrestrial.

I am proud that I never voted for Jimmy Carter in any election, ever. He may have been a MORAL MAN, but he was an incompetent administrator and a grinning jackass when he was in charge. Most of the problems in the Middle East today are the result of James Earl Carter's fucktoolery as President. He deserves a Nobel Peace prize about as much as a murdering thug such as Yasser Arafat does.

Wait! Yasser has one already. My bad.

Jimmy Carter should have stuck with growing peanuts and building "Habitat for Humanity" houses, things that he is good at. He can plant a seed and drive a nail. But he NEVER COULD run a government, not the state of Georgia's and damned surely not the entire United States of America. The man is a walking example of the PETER PRINCIPLE. And he wins the Nobel Peace Prize. What the $%#@!!*&^%$#!! does THAT say about the Nobel Peace Prize?

I'm taking a deep breath and calming down. I've been especially angry and vitriolic lately, and I'm attempting to control my passion. This shit doesn't make it easy to do.

I am on vacation. I leave for a week in the mountains on Monday. I am mellow.

As long as I don't think about Jimmy Carter.

Friday, October 11, 2002

Once again, I'll accept the VODKAPUNDIT challenge and fisk vigorously. I really cannot believe that Michael Kinsley wrote this. I thought he had more on the ball.

According to the Bush administration, the threat posed by Iraq is serious enough to risk the lives of American soldiers, to end the lives of what would undoubtedly be thousands of Iraqi soldiers and civilians, and to risk a chemical or biological attack on the American homeland, but not serious enough to interrupt prime-time television. None of the big three broadcast networks carried President Bush's case-for-war speech Monday night because, they say, the White House didn't ask. Preempting Saddam Hussein is one thing, apparently, but preempting Drew Carey is another.

I believe that THE NETWORKS made that decision, not the Bush administration. Bush didn't "ask," so the networks didn't report? Shame, shame on President Bush. He didn't go, "Hey, POWER GUYS, this is the President of the United States. I just wanted to let you know that I'm making a speech tonight, where I'm urging that The United States Of America go to war against Iraq. Would you PLEASE broadcast my speech?" The fat guy with the gold rolex in BROADCAST COMMAND looked at his schedule at 7:45 PM and said, "No call from Bush, begging for coverage? His time is up. He must not believe that his speech is newsworthy. He didn't kiss my ass and grovel. Run 'Drew Carey.' "

The Post reports that "the White House said it did not put in the usual formal request because it wanted to keep the American public from thinking we were going to war." As the hour for the speech approached, The Post says, White House officials had second thoughts and offered to "beef up" the speech to entice the networks, but it was too late.

Too late for what? To have the networks cover important news? THAT'S THEIR FUCKING JOB! They didn't do it, and it's the Bush administration's fault? My aching ass.

This notion that a call to arms can be beefed up or beefed down at will, like the idea that people should give their support for a war without really thinking it's going to happen, is characteristic of the Bush sell job. Foreigners, the New York Times reports, read Bush's speech as backing down from an inexorable commitment to "regime change," while in America it was seen as his toughest statement yet. Whatever.

Yeah, "whatever." Who in the bacteria-infested colon of Satan wrote that line? That inestinal tract obviously has been "beefed up and beefed down" numerous times. And you can wipe the end result of all that "beefing" with the editorial page of the New York Times. That's all it's fit for anymore. Tell me you didn't write that, Michael!

Ambiguity has its place in dealings among nations, and so does a bit of studied irrationality. Sending mixed signals and leaving the enemy uncertain what you might do next are valid tactics. But the cloud of confusion that surrounds Bush's Iraq policy is not tactical. It's the real thing. And the dissembling is aimed at the American citizenry, not at Saddam Hussein. Hussein knows how close he is or isn't to a usable nuclear bomb -- we're the ones who are expected to take Bush's word for it.

I remember having such insights when I was wrapped in a cloud of marijuana smoke in my college days. I practiced "studied irrationality," and I sent a lot of "mixed signals." I lived in a "cloud of confusion." I eventually outgrew that shit, but I kinda miss the good ole days every now and then. I want some of what this stoner dopehead pretending to be Kinsley has been smoking. Then, I might discover "the real thing" the blithering idiot is talking about.

"Iraq could decide on any given day" to give biological or chemical weapons to terrorists for use against the United States, Bush said Monday night. The wording is cleverly designed to imply more than it actually says. It doesn't say an Iraq-sponsored biological attack could actually happen tomorrow. But the only purpose of the phrase "on any given day" is to suggest that it might.

Oh, you know SO MUCH! You see right through that "any given day" crap because you are much more clever than President Bush, and privy to insight and information that he doesn't have. Will we have an attack from terrorists TOMORROW? Probably not. Should we suspect that we "MIGHT," in the near future? Nah. What a ridiculous suggestion!

So the question then arises: If Saddam Hussein has the desire and ability to attack the United States with chemical and biological weapons, either directly or using surrogates, why hasn't he done so? Possibly because he fears reprisal. Bush's emphasis on the danger of Hussein's giving these weapons to terrorists, rather than his using them himself, was another bit of careful wording, intended to suggest that Hussein could avoid reprisal by leaving no fingerprints. But Hussein surely realizes that evidence will be found linking him to any terrorist act for the foreseeable future, whether such evidence exists or not. Meanwhile, though, if the United States is inexorably committed to "regime change" -- which, in any scenario, Hussein is unlikely to survive in one piece -- any reason for him to show restraint disappears.

Right. He won't do anything to piss us off, except shoot at our planes in the no-fly zones, lie like a dog whenever cornered on a question, and break every promise he ever made about being a good boy. Other than those slight perfidies, the man is a saint. You want to trust him to play by the rules, because he hasn't given weapons of mass destruction to terrorists yet. Therefore, he never will. Bullshit!

We know that Saddam is a nutjob. We know that he has chemical and biological weapons. So, tell me all you know about the "foreseeable future," and I want to cut the deck before I read your Tarot cards, to see if I get the same divination.

The CIA makes this obvious point in a document made public this week. The agency's assessment is that Iraq is unlikely to use biological or chemical weapons against the United States unless we attack Iraq and Saddam Hussein concludes he has nothing to lose. The administration disagrees, naturally. Whatever small basis either side may have for its conclusion, we who must follow the dispute in the papers have even less. Who knows who's right? But Bush cannot have it both ways. He cannot insist that Hussein is able and eager to do so much harm to the United States that we must go to war to remove him, and at the same time refuse to acknowledge the increased risk of such harm as one of the costs of going to war.

What kind of "small basis" are we talking about here? I don't see anything small about it. It's BIG, you idiot, and that's why we need to open a can of serious asswhup on Saddam. "Who knows what's right?" You pontificate as if YOU DO, but I sincerely believe that Saddam is WRONG for the Middle East, for the United States and for the world. Getting rid of him is a risk we should be willing to take.

The Bush campaign for war against Iraq has been insulting to American citizens, not just because it has been dishonest but because it has been unserious. A lie is insulting; an obvious lie is doubly insulting. Arguments that stumble into each other like drunks are not serious. Washington is abuzz with the "real reason" this or that subgroup of the administration wants this war.

Your writing is insulting. It also is unserious, while pretending to be serious. That's doubly insulting. And that Washington "buzz" you hear are voices in your head attempting to take control of your testicles. DON'T LISTEN!

A serious and respectful effort to rally the citizenry would offer the real reasons, would base the conclusion on the evidence rather than vice versa, would admit to the ambiguities and uncertainties, would be frank about the potential cost. A serious effort to take the nation into war would not hesitate to interrupt people while they're watching a sitcom.

I agree. The networks should have thought about that. But they probably were totally mesmerized and struck dumb by that last paragraph you crafted. Man, I just GOTTA get some of that dope you're smoking! That "ambiguity and uncertainty" and "vice versa" stuff is PROFOUND. I believe that I may have pulled a brain-muscle attempting to absorb all that wisdom at once. When people who speak your language trasnslate it, I hope they tell me what that gibberish means.

But citizens ought to be more serious too. They tell pollsters they favor the Bush policy, then they say they favor conditions such as U.N. approval that are not part of the Bush policy. Many, in polls, seem to make a distinction between war, which they favor, and casualties, which they don't. Neither side in this argument has an open-and-shut case, and certainly agreeing with the president's case doesn't make you a fool. Agreeing with the president even though you didn't hear his case -- because he apparently didn't much care if you heard it -- is a different story.

Okay, I favor war, but I don't favor casualties. That's BAD? I should want war and LOTS of casualties? Or should I just go for casualties without the war? I am confused. I read this entire whateveritwas, and my head hurts.

Damn you for doing this to me, Vodka-man!

I've done some wild and crazy things in my life, but I have never showed up at a police station WITH A NAIL AND A FIRECRACKER IN MY WANG. At least not that I recall. But I DO KNOW that it WASN'T ME doing this:

The unidentified man from nearby Trenton, N.J., told the stunned cops he had inserted the objects himself, but refused to say why. He asked them to take him to the hospital.
The bizarre incident quickly sparked ribald humor among officers.

"He probably wanted to go off with a bang," one quipped

I didn't do that. All my nails and firecrackers are accounted for. I'm currently searching for my wang. I know that it's around here somewhere...
In the spirit of Halloween, I present THIS STORY that you can tell your kids around the fireplace at night.

Once upon a time, a man sodomized a pumpkin... and they lived happily ever after.

Personally, I believe that the police should have left this man alone, as long as he was having deviant sex with a consenting vegetable in the privacy of his own home. I've had sex with consenting women who had a lot in common with garden-grown okra (slick, slimy and GOOD if you heat them up just right) and I want to know that if I ever see a really good-looking cantelope, I can have my way with it. Government should stay out of that crap, if you ask me. That's easy for me to say, because I'M not the one arrested for fucking a pumpkin. Somebody else did that.

His picture is on that link.

If you see this man in the grocery store, STAY AWAY FROM THE PRODUCE AISLE! YOU COULD BE NEXT!!!!
I've seen the "Two Cows" joke before via email, but DAMIAN PENNY posted a new and improved version, so I stole it.

And added a few myself.

DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who put a tax on your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money, buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous. Barbara Streisand sings for you.

SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So?

COMMUNIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the 2 cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to lunch. Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows but you don't know where they are. While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch. Life is good.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You have some more vodka. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka. You produce your 10th, 5-year plan in the last 3 months. The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

POLISH CORPORATION: You have two bulls. Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

FLORIDA CORPORATION: You have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone votes for the best looking one. Some of the people who like the brown one best vote for the black one. Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither. Some people can't figure out how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the best looking one.

DEMOCRACY, CANADIAN STYLE: You have two cows. One keeps threatening to separate and form its own farm. The farmer gives that one lots of extra feed to keep it happy and demands the other cow learn a second language.

CANADIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. The government will give you two more if you move your farm to the Prime Minister's riding.

CUBAN CORPORATION: The government has two cows, which keep trying to escape to the farm across the river.

IRAQI CORPORATION: "Iraq does not have, and has never had, the capacity to produce milk." - Scott Ritter

SAUDI CORPORATION: You have two cows. You hire foreign workers to milk them, sit back, and watch the money roll in. Lately, the cows haven't been producing as much milk as they used to. Somehow it's the Jews' fault.

ISRAELI CORPORATION: You have two cows. They produce as much milk as your neighbours' two hundred cows. Your neighbours keep trying to kill you. Robert Fisk says it's all your fault.

NORTH KOREAN CORPORATION: The Dear Leader has two cows. Which he kidnapped from Japan.

OSAMA BIN LADEN: Osama is dead in a cave, along with two dead cows. He is seen on videotape milking the cows, and Arab News proclaims the tape to be proof that Osama is still alive and poised to bring America to its knees, just as soon as he is finished milking the cows, which is taking longer than expected.

BLOGGERS:Somebody linked to a story about two cows. Another blogger read it, called bullshit, and fisked the cows. The original blogger called bullshit back and fisked the fisk. The cows became famous for one day, then everybody forgot about them when Barbra Streisand diverted the attention of all the cow-floggers toward HER bovinity.

ROBERT FISK: Fisk encountered two cows. They knocked him down and stomped him. In a lengthy, gaseous article for The Guardian he explained that he understood why they did it and felt that he deserved it, too. Many readers failed to comprehend his thinking, but all agreed that he deserved it.

ROBERT BYRD: The esteemed Senator from West Virginia inserted pork-barrel spending into the Education Bill and used taxpayer dollars to buy two cows, which will stand in the "Robert C. Byrd Cow Pasture," purchased with additional taxpayer dollars as a part of the Farm Bill. The cows are officially named "The Robert C. Byrd Memorial Cows." They don't give milk, but they have 2,653 federally-funded caretakers watching over them, paid for by another pork-chop in the Homeland Security Bill, which also named a freeway overpass, a bridge and an office complex after the honorable Senator. Life is good, unless you're a taxpayer.
"Nick" in the "comments" on posts below is absolutely correct. I have been a seething ball of anger, hostility and spite for the past week or so. Really. MORE THAN USUAL. I wish that I knew the reason, but I don't.

I just get REALLY pissed off at the world sometimes.

Thursday, October 10, 2002

This unmitigated pap appeared in The New York Times, which I will not link to because it isn't worth YOUR valuable time to register. Thomas Friedman wrote it, and you can go find the entire turditorial yourself, if you have a strong stomach.

"Where are the Democrats who are ready to argue forcefully that the future tax cuts that Mr. Bush pushed through are utterly reckless and need to be repealed — because they will erode the resources the government needs to remain a Great Power in this age of uncertainty? And they send a terrible signal to our kids, corporate leaders and the world: that all that matters is short-term, me-first gratification."

Those Democrats are out there. They just don't have the spine, the courage or the balls to say "We need your 'resources' (READ: MONEY) to redistribute wealth, pour cash down rat-holes and build a few more concrete monuments to Robert Byrd, which is how WE intend to remain in power... uh, I mean make this nation REMAIN a great power." The last thing the Democrats would ever do is send a terrible signal to our kids that all that matters is short-term, me-first gratification. Bill Clinton never did that. And just look at how long-term, nation-first the Democrats behaved in New Jersey.

Where are the Democrats who would declare that the best way to enhance our security, make us better global citizens, reduce our dependence on Middle East oil and leave a better planet for our kids is a Manhattan Project to develop a renewable energy source, along with greater conservation? Mr. Bush has totally ignored the longing by young Americans to be drafted for such a grand project to strengthen America. And so, too, have the Democrats.

They'll be finding jobs in the private sector after the November elections if they mouth that green, ring-tailed monkey crap now, you blithering idiot. They know two things that you dont: #1: Americans don't want to hear that shit right now, and #2 : could you PLEASE leave "the kids" out of your argument? That's the last refuge of a Democrat scoundrel, taken when his argument sucks. Plus, if you knew diddly-squat about energy production (I SUPERVISED energy plants for nine years of my life), you would know that the idea of "renewable" energy sources amounting to anything more than a pimple on a gnats ass is ridiculous. I have one question, and if you answer it correctly, I'll listen to your expert opinion on energy production: What's a "megawatt," and how many homes can a "megawatt" supply with all the energy they need?

Where are the Democrats who would declare that confronting Saddam is legitimate, but it must not be done without real preparation of the U.S. public? Decapitating Saddam's regime will take weeks. Building Iraq into a more decent state, with a real civil society, will take years. But it is this latter project that is the most important — the one that really gets at the underlying threat from the Middle East, which is its failed states. But do we know how to do such nation re-building, and if we do, do Americans want to pay for it? We need to go in prepared for this task (which is unavoidable if we really intend to disarm Iraq) or stay out and rely instead on more aggressive containment, because halfhearted nation-building always ends badly and would surely weaken us. Why aren't the Democrats clarifying this?

They're afraid that voters will throw them out of their comfortable offices if they do, asshole! No, thoughtful Democrats know that we need to dither like Hamlet and stick one thumb up our collective asses and one thumb in our collective mouths and rotate the two every five minutes. We'll shuck and jive, but go with the flow, but "with reservations." (Yeah. I reserve the right to take credit for anything good that happens, and I reserve the right to say "I TOLD you so!" if things go wrong.) What we really need is a concerted effort to get to the underlying problems of the Democrat party. PS- you couldn't work "our kids" into that rant, or did you just get carried away with sanctimony and forget?

At the moment, the Bush team is leading the nation much more by fear than by hope. The Democrats can only win, or only deserve to win, if they can offer a bold alternative. That would be a program for strengthening America based on hope not fear, substance not spin, a program that addresses the primary concern of Americans now: the future for the kids whose pictures they carry around in their wallets.

Bush is not the one making cartoons showing Republicans rolling elderly people in wheelchairs off a cliff. YOU did THAT! Yeah, you pricks have that "hope" thing down pat. Just like your "Man from Horny Hope" did. You hope enough people believe your blather that you can win the next election. And you threw the "kids" in again, too, didn't you? I ASKED you not to do that.

The frightening thing to me is that I believe this guy actually believes everything he wrote.

UPDATE Is "hope" anything like prayer? It must be to the "bold" Democrats, because the only time I ever "HOPED" for something in my life was when I split the aces at Blackjack in Harrah's Casino and doubled my $50 bet. I HOPED for two face-cards.

"Hope in one hand and shit in the other and see which one fills up first," as my 91-year-old grandmother says today.

I don't want peoiple like me in a casino running my government.

A host of really lame editorials have appeared in newspapers to condemn Bush's stance on Iraq. You can read one, along with a good fisking of it, HERE.

Yeah. Sometimes IT IS personal.
I don't know whether to gag over THIS RIDICULOUS CRAP because California started it or because the federal government is determined to stop it. Every idiot involved, on BOTH sides, needs to be dragged off and shot.

The Bush administration sided Wednesday with auto manufacturers in opposing a California requirement that a percentage of passenger vehicles sold in the state achieve zero emissions, meaning reliance on all-electric cars.

The Justice Department maintained that federal law overrides any state effort to regulate fuel economy for cars and trucks.

In a 37-page filing with a federal appeals court in San Francisco, the department lawyers argued that California's zero-emission mandate impinges on what is solely a federal responsibility.

To California, I wish to say: You people are a bunch of nit-witted, granola-crunching, ring-tailed enviro-monkeys. If people wanted electric cars, people would BUY THEM without government mandates. I want to know: How many of you crystal-gazing, tofu-sucking politicians who passed this kidney stone of legislation drive electric cars? Without wasting my valuable time on a Google search, I'll just hazard a wild guess... hmmmm... NONE! That's for other people to do, right? While you totalitarian asswipes in green cloaks drive YOUR SUVs? Right? May you all find raw sewage in your organic salads.

To the Justice Department, I wish to say: Go away. Federal law overrides everything today, but I don't like to be reminded of it, even if it's a GOOD THING in this case. I know the South was forbidden to secede from the union, but is it okay to KICK CALIFORNIA OUT? If so, let's do that--- for the good of the nation. Let Californians drive electric cars, sit in the dark, worship Gaia, consider Barbra Streisand wise and be totally fucked-up all they want to. I would rather you just bounced the idiots out, as if they were really obnoxious drunks at an otherwise good party, than flex some more law-muscle. I get really nervous when you do that.

But California makes me nervous, too.
Reader Jim Calloway sent an interesting email about my post on the Big Three networks' failure to broadcast Bush's speech the other night and the resultant blast of flame I received from JB about it in my "comments." Sadly, I agree with Jim.

"I noticed, in the comments on your post about the networks ignoring the President's speech, that you're being challenged to come up with a constitutional basis for a possible war with Iraq. I suspect that he's right. There isn't any. At least, not if you take the constitution literally as written.


Is it just me, cranky and tired as I am, or have we not devolved, as a nation, to the point where a literal interpretation of the constitution is pretty much meaningless? Isn't the constitution now pretty much whatever the courts say it is?"

The Constitution was folded, spindled and mutilated by Abraham Lincoln during the Civil War and it has been chopped, diced, shredded and pureed ever since. Now, we don't have The Constitution of the United States of America. Instead, we have "living, breathing" document, which lives an breathes much like a malformed thalidamyde baby. JB can beat his dead horse until his arm falls off, but that isn't going to alter reality one bit. Our courts rule that the Constitution means whatever is expedient, politically-correct or fitting with the agenda of the day. And they've done it for a LONG time. If you entertain any fantasies about that fact, get over them, cause we'll never go back to where this nation started.

I support war against Iraq, and I have my "Constitutional justification" in the term "provide for the common defense." I believe that the Middle East is a festering boil on the asscheek of the world and we need to lance that pus-filled carbuncle before the poison spreads. Call it "preventative" medicine. And we don't stop with Iraq, either. We drag ALL of Araby kicking and screaming into the 21st century, or we kill the ones who won't come. If we don't hit them now, they surely will hit us later. And I believe that sometimes the best defense is a good offense.

Yeah, it's about OIL, too. (Not OIL COMPANIES-- just OIL) We need it, they've got it and we should make sure the supply is reliable. That's difficult to do when dealing with a bunch of highly unreliable people, so THEY need to go.

Is this "empire building?" I don't think so. I believe that it's more akin to fumigating your house to get rid of the vermin, then buying regular pest-control service to make sure that they don't come back.

"Americans will die if we go to war!" No shit. Americans ALREADY have died; MORE will if we DON'T go to war, and that's a damn good reason to do it, do it right, and do it NOW.

Let's start the ball.

Wednesday, October 09, 2002

I should get together with SOUR BOB and compare notes, drink heavily and spend the night in jail. Boy, THAT would teach the ex-wife a lesson, wouldn't it?

Wait... I DID that already, without Sour Bob. It didn't work any magic on the ex but it cost ME a lot of money.

As if there was any doubt their increasing irrelevance, NETWORK NEWS made it official by neglecting to broadcast President Bush's speech about WHY THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA MAY GO TO WAR!

Nope, no story there. Better to air "Drew Carey," "The Fear Factor" and "King of Queens."

I've had moments when I disagreed with COLIN POWELL, but this isn't one of them. And I've had moments when I liked Harry Belafonte's sound. But this isn't one of them.

"There's an old saying," Belafonte told 760 KFMB. "In the days of slavery, there were those slaves who lived on the plantation and were those slaves that lived in the house.

"You got the privilege of living in the house if you served the master ... exactly the way the master intended to have you serve him.

"Colin Powell's committed to come into the house of the master. When Colin Powell dares to suggest something other than what the master wants to hear, he will be turned back out to pasture."

Boucher said Powell told him Wednesday both the Internal Revenue Service and the secretary of state's accountant "thought he did better as a field hand."

In his comments Tuesday, Belafonte also criticized other members of the Bush administration.

"As they said when the secretary sang at ASEAN (the Association of Southeast Asian Nations), he shouldn't quit his day job," a U.S. official said. "I think the same can be said about singers who get into politics."

I LIKE Powell's response. I've also been forced to reevaluate my opinion of him lately. Maybe Powell isn't the "dove" in the "hawk" administration that lefties thought he was. Maybe a lot of what he said that pissed me off earlier was nothing more than HIS LINE delivered in a carefully-directed script. I don't believe that GWB is stupid, although that is conventional wisdom, and it's bitten everyone who believed it square in the ass. The Dumbocrats wouldn't be so flummoxed now if Bush were really stupid. Bush is more like a Machivellian Tar Baby. Right when his enemies think they've got him, they're suddenly stuck in a place they never intended to be, and they can't get out.

That's not dumb, folks. That's rope-a-dope. And I now believe that Powell's contrarian behavior was part of the plan. It worked, too.

I lump Harry Belefonte into that pile of nitwits and fucktards that make their fame and fortune parroting words other people wrote and somehow become convinced that they are brilliant thinkers. These prima dona stars are well-paid, pampered and adored by audiences, but most of them are as dumb as a can of dirt. If they had a flicker of sense, THEY would be writing their lines instead of hiring others to do it for them. We just got a toxic dose of Barbra Streisand in action, and she proved that fleas on a dog's ass are smarter than she is.

THAT'S a Hollywood celebrity in gone to war and wounded in action from attempting to have a thought process.
I just heard on the news that some Humvee-riding Marines in Kuwait opened fire on a civilian vehicle when they saw someone brandishing a gun. The civilian vehicle ran off the road and the Marines kept going.

I guess they had live ammunition this time.

Updated BTW: (Before some know-it-all like STRYKER attempts to de-nut me on this) I understand why soldiers DO NOT carry live ammunition in training exercises. The object of the training is to teach soldiers to stay alive in a real battle, not to have them killed by friendly fire in an exercise. Makes perfect sense to me. I undergo quarterly Haz-Mat training and we don't set off an ACTUAL chlorine release just to test our competency in Level-A suits. You learn to do it right when there is no real danger so that you do it right when the danger IS real.

But I'm still delighted that our guys shot FIRST today. Call me a chickenhawk, but we have some Islamokazis in Kuwait, and we need to hasten them on to find the 72 virgins if that's what they want.

I don't want to read about any more dead American soldiers in that "friendly" country.
I remember exactly where I was one year ago today, and I wasn't happy to be there. Actually, that's a lie. I was EXTREMELY HAPPY, thanks to the morphene, but the IV in my arm, the catheter in my wang, the staples in my belly, the drainage tube with the suction bulb on the end and the cute little red-haired nurse who shoved suppositories up MY END every four hours tended to ruin my opium dreams. Plus, the pestiferous hospital staff kept pounding on my back and demanding that I blow into some bong-like device and float a ping-pong ball between two marks on a cylinder, instead of giving me more morphene and catering to my every whim.

They wanted me to get out of bed and walk around, too. So, I did, bare ass exposed from the back of the hospital gown and dragging all the tubes and baggage with me. I went straight to my overnight bag, retrieved my cigarettes and lighter, made my way to the bathroom and had myself a much-needed dose of tar, nicotine and carbon monoxide. I was sitting on the commode amid a rich swirl of Marlboro smoke when a nurse showed up unexpectedly and caught me.

"Smoking is not allowed in the hospital," she announced.

"I'm not smoking," I replied. "Go away and tell EVERYBODY YOU SEE that I am not smoking in the hospital. I'll back up your story."

She shook her head and went away. Damn good nurse.

I am delighted that I am where I am today rather than where I was one year ago. It took a while for me to recover from 10/9/01. As long as I don't over-indulge in the white zin tonight, I'll be fine after 10/9/02. That's a good thing.

I still regret that I didn't ask the red-haired nurse for her name and phone number. She had nice fingers.
Is it just ME, or does BLOGGER appear to be having another brain-fart today?

Tuesday, October 08, 2002

Ladies and gentlemen, STEP BACK from the crazy man and let the guys in the white coats handle this situation.

U.S. Rep. Jim McDermott broadened his attack on George W. Bush's war plans yesterday, saying the president is threatening military action in Iraq as part of a plot to crown himself emperor of America.

I don't know what McVermin has been smoking, but I want a big bag of it, and some 5.0 rolling papers. I need to escape from reality the way he has done. I already have my tinfoil hat on my head. I am ready.

Beejus! This blithering idiot is a CONGRESSMAN, for crying out loud! When did we start raiding looney bins to find such a blithering fuckwit? Oh, yeah... never mind. Solid Democrat territory. Yella-dog country. The useful idiot shitheel gets elected by people who believe that they're still voting for Franklin Roosevelt. All right, I've got it now.

You can have my 5.0 rolling papers. But I'm keeping the tinfoil hat.
I like the word "WANGITUDE" that I found HERE, thanks to THE GROUP CAPTAIN and HIS Minions of Trashy Women.

Gawd! I believe HIS stable contains more minions than MINE.
Here's a DAMN FINE PIECE about the South. If you're Southern, read it and be proud. If you're a Yankee, read it TWICE, if you can keep your northern head out of your ass that long.

I am old enough to remember spearate bathrooms and drinking fountains, segregated schools and the race-riots of the '60s. I have lived long enough to see the changes, and they are impressive. We still have our red-necked racists down South, but they are a shrinking minority and NOBODY considers them to be anything but the assholes that they are. We have come farther than anywhere else in the nation in true racial harmony, but we Southerners still get crap heaped on our heads from Yankees (that's the first thing that pissed me off about Rosie O'Donnel's stand-up act, which she performed in New York. She launched a big tirade about the backward South, and all the Yankees laughed. Yeah, BWHAHAHA! I threw my TV brick at the screen and I have hated her ever since.) but I've seen how pleasant race relations are in glorious Yankeeland. Buncha fucking snot-nosed hypocrites.

Thanks to DA GODDESS for the link, and I know that SHE KNOWS. She saw my little chunk of the True South for herself. And I don't give a shit what SGT STRYKER thinks about my "sick" culture. I LOVE IT.

The old farmers around the coffee pot at the Swamp Fox would read Stryker and shake their heads. Then, they would say, "That fool does go on SOMETHING FIERCE, don't he?"

And they would be right, as they usually are.

I don't know whether the sniper killings around Washington DC have anything to do with Al Qeada or not, but they ARE MOST DEFINITELY acts of terrorism. When gunshots strike down innocent citizens for no apparent reason other than cold-blooded murder, that's terrorism. Anybody can be a victim at any time, and that's unnerving. But IT'S NOT unnerving enough to cause everybody in the nation, or even in the area where the killings are occurring, to crawl under the bed, curl in a fetal position and refuse to go outside EVER AGAIN.

The nutjob(s) committing the random murders will be captured eventually, and even if they go on a real spree, fewer people will be shot than die in auto accidents every day. We don't go into full panic-mode about car wrecks. We accept that kind of death and go on with our lives. But the overwrought reaction to these shootings by the press is likely to have unpleasant consequences down the road, both to American citizens and from terrorists. The press is attempting to scare Americans to death with its breathless reporting of the story. Good job!

If the ragheaded, goat-screwing Islamo-maniacs were too stupid to think of this kind of terror before, they damned surely think about it now, with every news network and newspaper fanning the fires. I can see the gap-toothed, swarthy bastards now, squatting barefoot around a dung-fueled fire in a hole in the rocks and eating goatshit gruel while they plot their newest masterstroke. "Look! See how America trembles? Go get a gun and start shooting people, anyone you see! We will bring the Great Satan to his knees! Allah is wise! And Americans are weak! Just watch CNN."

The press also sins greatly by describing the killer(s) as an "expert" shot using a "high-powered" rifle. A .223 is NOT a high-powered rifle (nor a goddam "assault rifle," either) and with a decent scope and a good rest, an accurate shot at a person from 100+ yards is not that difficult, if you don't mind pulling the trigger with a human being in the crosshairs. I've hit beer cans from that distance with more gun than a .223.

DIPNUT had some worthwhile opinions today, and I want to borrow something from his post that some of those panting reporters should read.

News flash: "high velocity" is not by any means the same thing as "high-power". Kim duToit disparages the .223 as a "varmint round" and he knows what he's talking about. Yes, it can kill you. NATO relies on the fact that .223 (which they call 5.56mm NATO) can kill you. But it's basically a very accurate high-velocity plinker. The reason it is used in tactical carbines is mostly because NATO expected its soldiers to be lousy marksmen prone to panic, and the mild .223 recoil allows the "spray and pray" approach. Besides, if you're going to waste bullets, they might as well be little ones so you can carry more of them.

Many commonly-used rounds have far greater kinetic energy at the target, which is the only reasonable interpretation of "high-powered". Here's a quick comparison:

Caliber Energy at muzzle (ft./lbs.) Energy at 100 yds. (ft./lbs.)
.223 Remington 1330 955
30-30 Winchester 1930 1280
.243 Winchester 2093 1729
.308 Winchester 2725 2220
.30-06 Springfield 2914 2485
.460 Weatherby Magnum (actual high-power round) 8095 6020

(Ballistic data lifted from here (if you want the link, go read his post). Note that the .223 is listed as a "Centerfire .22", and not even in the "Deer Calibre" category.)

Why is it, that when reporting news involving guns, gunfire, or laws about guns, news agencies always use people who know nothing about guns? And why, when these people inevitably err, do they always err on the side of whatever sounds scariest?

Three reasons, my man: 1) Fear sells 2) Guns are EVIL 3) Your standard, Journalism-school-issue reporter is totally ignorant about guns and relies on #1 and #2 to tell the story.

I ATTENDED journalism school. I met the dumbest, laziest, most brain-dead, liberal people I've known in my life there. Oh, they could string words together on a piece of paper (we used typewriters in those Dark Ages) but they seldom bothered to understand what they were writing about or reseach any of it. Too fucking lazy, for one thing. And too fucking pre-programmed with polticially-correct cant for another. Just get a good quote from somebody who is afraid, or agrees with YOU, and run with the story. That's reporting.

I see from reading the sniper stories that nothing has changed.
I added a few new folks to the blogroll today. Check 'em out over on the left.

RAVENWOOD arrived thanks to pity comments he left on my posts. I visited his page and discovered blogs such as this one:

Political Coorectness has killed the childhood past-time of 'Show and Tell'. Teachers are scaling back 'Show and Tell' so as not to hurt children's feelings, and encourage competition.

They fear that children's self-esteem will be irreparably damaged if kids bring in too nice of toys. Apparently children simply cannot cope with someone having something they don't. This brings us a step closer to not keeping score at school football games.

And not keeping score at school football games is about as goddam unAmerican as you can get.

I also added THE FAT GUY, who I discovered thanks to JONI, whose red toenails I miss badly whenever I visit her page, even if I do have my own collection of personal toe-porn she sent me. TFG reminds me of me. You should feel very sorry for him because of that fact.

BO COWGILL is welcome aboard, too, even though I must confess that I had never read his blog until today, when I found him via a hit on my Site Meter. He thinks big, the way I do, and is just as foolish.

SALON.COM CLOSES @ $.01 / SHARE: Here's what I don't understand: Why doesn't someone just buy all 88,500 shares for a grand total of $885 and liquidate all of the company's assets. You could probably make a profit by reselling all of their servers and software.

Debt, perhaps? UPDATE: "If I recall correctly, they're over 70 million dollars in debt. I'm not sure how they managed that." -- Email from Glenn Reynolds, University of Tennessee Law School Professor.

Bo, if you and I ever put our heads together on a business deal, we'll end up making most debts owed by Third-World countries appear to be peanuts. I thought you had a damned good idea there for a minute.

But I must warn a few other people: If you don't start blogging again, I'm going to kick you off my prestigious blogroll! SISOFLEXX, what happened to you? Buying that new house put you in the Twilight Zone. I MISS you! And if THE SUPREME BITCH allows that computer virus to kick her ass, I will lose all respect for the Queen of Mean that I loved so well. And DONNA never comes to visit anymore.

Oh, well. Ships do pass in the night, I suppose...

Is a toaster that talks. It knows your name!

Yeah, THIS PLACE figured me out very quickly. Downright eerie, if you ask me.

Link via TIM BLAIR.

Monday, October 07, 2002

Yes, we can always trust in government to do STUPID THINGS. The pucker-butts who are drunk with their own power in Daytona Beach have decided that the welfare of all citizens depends on the enactment of a "nudity ordinance," designed to replace bikinis with burkas for the good of civilization.

Clue to VOTERS EVERYWHERE: if this shit is all your "leaders" can think up to justify their existence, YOU DON'T NEED THEM. Mob rule would be better.

"Skimpy bathing suits could still be worn legally, Hartman said, as long as one-third of the buttocks or one-quarter of a woman's breast are covered.

Who is going to MEASURE? Show me 1/3 of an ass and 1/4 of a titty. I wanna see that, just so I know what the hell these idiots are talking about enacting into law. I have some questions, too.

If a woman has one boob completely covered and the other one bare, that's only 1/2 a titty, if you go by square inch of flesh, right? Or do we have separate ordinances for invididual titties? How do you enforce this law?

COP: "Ma'am, step off the beach and put your hands on the boardwalk. I think you're showing a little too much ass, and I need to check it out. I wanna get a look at those titties, too, while I'm at it"

HUSBAND: THAWCK! (That's the sound of a fist hitting a jawbone) The cop goes to the hospital, the husband goes to jail, the wife ends up in therapy and the kids go to foster homes. And it's all the fault of Victoria's Secret Swimwear Collection.

I would not have the nerve to propose such idiocy.

Of course, I would never run for political office, either. I have far too many skeletons in my closet that opponents could use against me, but I've blogged about most of those, so I'm not worried about my sins and foibles becoming public knowledge. Just ask, and I'll tell you all about them myself. I suffer from chronic Don't Give A Shit What Other People Think Syndrome, and that is NOT an asset for a politician. Plus, my platform would be to pass NO NEW LAWS. We have more than enough already, and we don't do a good job of enforcing THOSE.

My stump speech would be the same thing over and over: I will vigorously oppose the passage of ANY new legislation, no matter what it is, because too much legislation has fucked up this country, and we don't need to fuck it up any more. If you elect ME, I will draw my salary, play a lot of golf, take every junket from lobbying groups that I can weasel my way into and just enjoy all the perks of high office. I will screw all the women, take all the bribes and live high on the hog. But, I promise to LEAVE YOU ALONE. I expect to become wealthy by being elected, because everybody else does, but I won't whore for the money. I'll take it and screw the people who paid ME, instead of screwing YOU, my constituents.

Vote Acidman in November. And remember the slogan: You don't give a shit, and neither does he.

Thanks to the lovely and tempestuous JONI for this most appreciated link.

Wanna see some CELEBRITY DOUBLES? That link is the place to go, although I don't think that THIS ONE looks like Nichole Kidman, my ultimate fantasy-hottie. (If I can't have ANN COULTER, that is)

A lot of people don't like Ann Coulter, but I do. Yeah, she is outrageous, she is over the top and she exploits her blonde-bombshell looks for maximum effectiveness. In fact, she's a lot like DAWN OLSEN. Ann just does the same thing from the other side of the political spectrum, and makes a LOT more money and creates a much HIGHER PROFILE melding sex and opinion into suet for the masses.

I like the way Ann writes. Read MY blog and figure that one out.

DEMOCRATIC SEN. ROBERT TORRICELLI'S announcement that he was pulling out of the New Jersey Senate race this week looked like a confession of guilt in a Soviet show trial. In the reflection of his dewy eyes, you could almost see Terry McAuliffe mouthing the words to him from the audience. Especially the part where he paid tribute to the great Bill Clinton, to whom Torricelli evidently owes his deeply ingrained sense of ethics.

See? Just read that scalpel-slice. In only three sentences, Ann managed to ridicule THE TORCH, THE CROOK, and THE BIGGEST BASTARD OF ALL TIME with surgical precision. Gawd! I wish that SHE would join my Minions of Trashy Women. I need a new Queen Bee now that DA GODDESS has seen me for the worthless turd that I am and has put me at the top of her Shit List. Situations do flux in this world. But Ann remains consistent.

And I DREAM OF JEANIE doesn't resemble Barbara Eden nearly as much as she resembles the 76% Worshipable Woman. Okay, 76% WW is a few years older than this wanna-be Jeanie, but WW could wear the uniform quite well.

I may buy one, to see if I can talk her into putting it on and granting me a wish or two.
Somebody should have done the world a favor and just RUN OVER THIS STUPID DOOFUS.

Police said that the suspect, Lorenzo Colding, was lying in the middle of the road Sunday when motorist Ross Williams stopped to see what was the matter, Local 6 News reported.

When Williams approached the suspect, Colding jumped up and attempted to steal the man's wallet and car, according to the report.

Williams removed the keys from his car's ignition to keep the suspect from stealing his vehicle, according to a Marion County Sheriff's Office incident report.

When Colding was unable to rob the Williams, he fled the immediate scene and then reportedly got on his hands and knees in a nearby road in front of another oncoming vehicle. When the vehicle stopped, Colding allegedly put both hands on the hood of the vehicle and said, "FBI, get out of the vehicle, give me your vehicle," according to the incident report.

The driver of the car put the vehicle into reverse and escaped.

I wonder if this master criminal attempted to vote in the 2000 Presidential election. He lives in Florida.

Think he might have hung a chad on HIS ballot?

I would like to welcome MOMMABEAR to my Minions of Trashy Women. My emails don't seem to reach her, but her's make it to Bubba's Bombast Basket, and I received her (better late than never) application form today. I am more than happy to have this impressive woman in my "stable," especially after reading her answers:

1) Are you female? HOW DARE YOU SIR, OF COURSE I AM; DO YOU DOUBT IT? (Never a single doubt in my mind about YOU, MommaBear. I'm not real sure about that JOIE person, however. Anybody who has a color scheme designed to trigger epileptic seizures on their page might also dress in drag.)

2) Do you have painted toenails? NO, PAINTED CLAWS. (I expected no less)

3) What color are they? RED, SO THE BLOOD DOES NOT SHOW. ( RED! That's all I need to know.)

4) Do you think that I am a "pucker-butt" with an "ugly, wrinkled face?" (Careful how you answer THAT one!) YOU LOOK NO WORSE THAN THE REST OF THAT SUBSPICIES, H. SAPIENS(?)™ (Good.)

5) Does reading my blog make you: a) Laugh sometimes b) Throw up
sometimes c) Both a and b
a. OF COURSE !! (You obviously laugh at fart jokes, too. Right?)

6) Are you: a) Libertarian b) Conservative c) Liberal d) Nymphomaniac
(Bonus points awarded for answering "d"!)
d. OF COURSE (I LIKE that quality in my minions)

7) What kind of music do you like? a) Hard Rock b) Classical c) Rap d) Anything YOU play for me, you stud-muffin!

8) What really turns you on? a) Long walks on the beach b) A quiet evening at home with my lover c) A Motel 6 bed with a dwarf, some black chick in a tu-tu, me, DA GODDESS, a video crew and a goat tied to the bumper of a pickup truck in the parking lot b. ALWAYS (It was the damned goat that put you off of "c", wasn't it?)

9) I think a man should be: a) Sensitive b) Caring c) A good provider d) Acidman! d. DARLING ACIDMAN (Good answer!)

10) I believe a "Minion" should be: a) a woman b) a woman with red toenails c) a woman with red toenails who reads this blog d) At least ONE of the above. d. MINIONS ARE THOSE WHO SERVE, SO ANY ONE WOULD DO. (You may kneel in the front row at the next meeting!)

Welcome aboard, MommaBear!

Sunday, October 06, 2002

I live out in the country in Effingham County, Georgia. I am surrounded by crop land, cow pastures, dumpster-farms, roadkill and dogshit. It is a veritable housefly heaven. But if I leave my front foor open for five seconds, every housefly in the state abandons the outdoor paradise to invade MY ABODE! Then, the silly bastards knock their brains out by banging against the windows in a futile attempt to get BACK OUTSIDE! Fucking idiots.

I have a Martha Stewart flyswatter. It is green, and it matches my curtains and the lampshades in the living room. It is a very efficient smasher of flies, and I killed eight today, after Quinton and young Jack left the front door open when they ran outside. I kid you not: the door was open for no longer than FIVE SECONDS. A squadron of flies entered before I could close the door. I killed eight of them, so far. I have at least two more fat, bloated, disease-carrying, multiple-eyed, shit-dippers still buzzing around the house.

I am on the hunt. I got the dumb ones first. I have only the smartest flies remaining. But if they were REALLY smart, they never would have flown into my home in the first place. Dumbasses.

They will die.

Badges? We don't need no stinking BADGES.

To all the hand-wringing wimps and worry-warts of the world: Be glad it's US and not somebody else as the only superpower on the globe. Your own government couldn't handle that responsibility.

We can.
The lovely MEESH has seen fit to write about me, all the way from Malaysia. She said:

Acidman here is insane. He is a self proclaimed cracker from Georgia, the dirty South. He plays the guitar and writes lovely songs, rants and posts. He thinks I am spankable which I think is a good thing. He's a pucker butt. Hehe. Not and old dirty bastard, but a pervy, cute ol pucker butt.

I DO believe that Meesh is highly spankable, and if she has red toenails, the circle of lust is complete. I just need to correct her on a few minor points. The South is not "the dirty South." I am dirty. The South is not. And I am NOT "insane." I am the only normal person in the world. Everybody ELSE is crazy. But Meesh has the "pervy, cute ol pucker butt" concept just right.

I am amazed that a young lady in Malaysia writes as well as she does when we have American "students" in college that cannot string coherent words together to fashion a single sentence. That is a shameful fact, and our public education system should be snatched up by the roots and thrown in a Dempsy Dumpster because of its utter failure to teach the most important skill anyone can possess in the workplace or the world today. What good is false "self-esteem" if you can't fucking read and write?

As tax-paying citizens who finance this expensive boondoggle, we should be outraged, demanding our money back and howling for heads to roll. Instead, we continue to elect politicians who are bought and owned by the education establishment, which pours money into re-election coffers to ensure that nothing changes.

Wait... I'm going a little over the top here. Things DO change. The same incompetent establishment digs itself deeper into its turf, receives more money for doing a shitty job, and dumbs-down tests to produce artificial results demonstrating "progress." We still end up with more than half the seniors graduating public schools today unable to handle English and math at a 10th grade level. Would you pay your electric company the full bill if the lights didn't work half the time? Would you bitch about the poor service?

Yeah, you would. But we accept this crap from the teachers' unions and throw more money at them.

Meanwhile, a young lady in Malaysia reads and writes English better than most of her American counterparts. That is a crying shame.

Meesh needs to be SPANKED for that....
California is a fucked-up state, with a corrupt governor and a BUNCH of really stupid citizens. I've called the place the Certified Nut-Bowl of America for a long time, but every time I think I've seen California show its ass to the maximum, something new happens to top the previous insanity.

A California jury let OJ Simpson walk free from a horrible double-murder that he committed. That's okay. But show those same tree-hugging, granola-crunching, Rob Reiner-worshiping, new-age, crystal-gazing, whale-saving assholes a woman with lung cancer who smoked for 45 years, and they decide that PHILIP MORRIS MUST DIE!.

A Los Angeles jury Friday ordered tobacco giant Philip Morris Cos. (MO) to pay $28 billion in punitive damages to a 64-year-old woman with lung cancer who sued the company for fraud and negligence.

If any true fraud and negligence exists in this case, it comes from the dumbfuck bitch who filed the suit, the attorney who prosecuted it, the jury which brain-farted the verdict, and the pissant judge who allowed such lunacy to occur in his courtroom.

"Testimony during the trial showed that Ms. Bullock was aware of the health risks of smoking and was warned repeatedly of those risks by her doctors over four decades, and her daughter also urged her to quit. Her response: `I am an adult, this is my business,"' said William Ohlemeyer, the company's associate general counsel.

Bullock's lawyer, Michael Piuze, argued that Philip Morris concealed the dangers of cigarettes with a widespread disinformation campaign that began in the 1950s. He told jurors it was "the largest fraud scheme ever perpetrated by corporations anywhere."

No, the largest fraud scheme ever perpetrated anywhere is the "Social Security Trust Fund," but I digress. I just find it amazing that people accustomed to being completely brainwashed by environmentalist idiots, political charlatans, Hollywood nincompoops and every snake-oil salesman with a slick line of blather become outraged, OUTRAGED, by God, when a women who smoked for 45 years says that she was seduced into self-destructive behavior by evil tobacco companies. Just fuck me dead.

"We believe that this is an absurd number [28 BILLION DOLLARS] -- the jury might as well have rolled chicken bones to come up with the numbers," said Prudential Securities analyst Rob Campagnino said in a research note titled "Can California Juries Get Any Dumber?"

California juries can ALWAYS get dumber. Trust me.